Pee Pee

Once I decide to have a child, I never really left the bathroom. Pee pee you see is a very important part of procreation, pregnancy and life with children.

First, you pee on a stick to find out if you’re ovulating. Then, you pee on another stick to find out if you got the coital timing right. And, if you are into that sort of thing, pee-pee may actually be a part of conception.

Once pregnant, pee-pee will remain a big part of life. My friends and family didn’t think it was possible for me to excuse myself more often but surprise, it is. I am told that the number of bathroom trips will only increase as ‘it’ goes from zygote to embryo to fetus leaving less room for my parts and more for her growing self. Well, at least it’s exercise.

Given that the only exercise my exhausted, gestational self has had the strength for are the aforementioned bathroom trips I guess it’s not so bad. Stumbling to the bathroom qualifies as low impact aerobics, doesn’t it?

People will prepare us to talk to our child-to-be in that silly voice so get used to words like “pee-pee.” For some odd reason, it is presumed that when the kid makes a mess at some awful hour during our post partum sleep-deprived haze that we will have the where-with-all for “cute-isms”. I pray that I will find this promised levity although at the moment, I don’t care what I say to him or her, I just hope that I don’t injure the tyke during my groggy, maternal learning curve.

Kids are inconvenient, so all of these bathroom trips are good practice – we can’t control when our bladders will call and we won’t be able to control when our kid needs us.

Urine – get used to it. Because after the tykes are older and it is time for them to learn to urinate on their own one’s use of the word “pee pee” skyrockets. In fact, when my daughter was 2.5 years old and the thought of her not starting preschool on time because she was still in diapers dawned upon us, we learned the true value of M&Ms and bribery as this was the only incentive that seemed to motive her to stop “having accidents” and start using one of the multitude of potties that decorated our home.

After the joys of pregnancy have passed and the kids are able to pee on their there is the specter of one’s own accidents that awaits us in the future. Yup, one of the many lasting joys of pregnancy is the promise of incontinence. So, keep doing those Kegel exercises and pray that your pelvic floor doesn’t fail you into Depends.