Compare and Contrast

Statistics about my pregnancy and the child I will bear bombard me via television, friends, radio, the internet – and of course, my mother. Acquaintances quote their child’s developmental measurements and what they did in utero to insure these stellar results. Isn’t it amazing that all of the children whose statistics I know are at the top of whatever category is being quoted? “My child is in the seventh percentile of intellectual development for six-month olds”. Wow! I am impressed by, (and slightly skeptical of) the mere fact that science can even discern an infant’s intelligence. But, just in case this information is accurate, I dash to the car and program all of the classical stations in the hope that the “Mozart effect” can start now.

In the pit of my stomach, there lies a deep dark well of fear that my actions or lack thereof have already put my kid behind even before she pops into the world. It is from this wellspring that I pluck my credit card and buy the multitude of products and services just in case whatever it is might help – or at least not hurt. “Just in case” a phrase that has launched a thousand businesses….

As I stare at the pile of developmental products and receipts from several appointments, I have to wonder if I am in fact better prepared for the roller coaster ride on which I will embark. Maybe it’s my hormones or the reality of writing a check but I just don’t think so. I think that the oft quoted measurements are intended to give parents ammunition against our ever-present fears of inadequacy. We must quote a lot of good things about our kids to quell that voice inside each of us that says we can never do or be enough. Well, in truth, we can never do enough so let’s just give up that pipe dream right here and now. Our kids will surpass some tykes in areas, fall behind in others and not much of this will be a direct effect of all of the theories and toys that we purchase. Regardless of how many times we repeat the mantra that our children are separate beings from us we will still be blamed for their every failing and denied the congratulatory satisfaction of credit for their success. I stare at my credit card bill with renewed anger. Now, what items will I actually schlep to the stores to return…..